January 8th Random Observations of the Grand Lake Bum

I took a road trip with some pals over the weekend. I can attest that the music scene is alive and well in Memphis. I went to Graceland, and I can report that, if Elvis is still alive, he has put together a very clever scheme to hide in plain sight. About every 25^th person I ran into looked like Elvis. I didn’t find out how they did that until the end of the day, when I arrived at an array of “Elvis Items” stores where anyone could buy everything necessary to look like Elvis. I didn’t buy any of it, but I did eat at his Mother’s diner. I’m not sure which waitress was her, either.

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Memphis was a blast, though. The Mississippi River is as good as Grand Lake for a party spot – although there’s really too much traffic to get a good raft-up going. The party scene is a little like Grand Lake – only bigger. Sort of like Austin, only affordable. I watched the famous ducks work out at the Peabody Hotel. I couldn’t believe how many people showed up to watch ducks get on an elevator and head for the roof. We have plenty of ducks at Grand Lake. Maybe we could draw a few hundred thousand more tourists if someone would train our ducks to do something. Or maybe dancing pelicans! Or bar-hopping herrons!  I think I’m onto something here.

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My buddies who remained behind at Grand Lake report that the party spirit is still alive and well on Monkey Island. Monkey Island Pub, after forcibly closing New Year’s Eve due to frozen, broken water pipes, was packed with party lovers Saturday night. I guess their 80’s Costume Party was a hoot. Too bad I missed that one. My pal Joe Carter used to love that party because he thought it was in honor of him and his cohorts – until he found out it was a party for dressing up like folks did in the 1980s. He thought it was going to be free drinks for guys like him…guys whose age is “in the eighties.”

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If you’re out of things to worry about, perhaps you can join Emma Palmer in her crusade against Disney. She is expressing outrage and disgust that Disney would sell a product that represents “everything that is wrong with messaging to girls in a nutshell.” It’s probably not what you think. The product which offended Ms. Palmer is a tee shirt with a drawing of Cinderella’s shoe, some hearts, and the words, “Shoes Speak Louder Than Words.” Those words were so offensive to her that she offered some fairly offensive words of her own: “It’s 2018,” she said. “Surely it is widely recognized that the content of your mind and words you speak are waaaaaay more important than your f****** shoes!”  Hmmm. I wonder if more people were offended by Disney’s words…or Ms. Palmer’s words? At least Disney could legally use all the letters in their words.

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I know people get attached to their pets. Some people even think of their pets as their children; but I never thought it would get to the point we would need a law!  Here we are, though. Illinois now has a new law which treats pets just like children. If a divorcing couple cannot agree with pet custody on their own, Illinois judges are now authorized to award sole custody, joint custody, visitation – just like children. What’s next? Court ordered “pet support payments?”

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Last week’s Powerball and Mega Millions lottery jackpots were both approximately half a billion dollars – and they were both won last week. That, of course, gave rise to the regurgitation of stories about previous lottery winners who were unhappy or broke or dead. I’d still like to see for myself. All I want is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy. If it doesn’t…no problem. I’ll give it back.

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THE 2017 DARWIN AWARDS ARE OUT (honoring the least evolved among us, as proven by their lack of brainpower): There are several great “Honorable Mention” winners. For example - The man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago, and returned with his vehicle a few minutes later, only to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

Here’s another tough contestant: A man who attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, but got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had and the perp had been punished enough!

But, here’s the winner: The robber in Long Beach, California whose .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during an attempted hold-up. The frustrated robber did something that can only inspire wonder. He turned the gun around, looked down the barrel, and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.The 2017 Darwin Award was awarded posthumously to James Elliot.

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BEST FACEBOOK POST THIS WEEK: If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender. (Thanks to my friend Linda Wall for sharing this one.)

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TWEET OF THE WEEK:  I can’t believe how old people my age are.

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BEST SIGN SEEN THIS WEEK: Drunks run stop signs. Pot heads wait for them to turn green.

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GRAND LAKE BUM SHOUT-OUTS: Happy birthday wishes go out this week to Mark Cavins, Jacqui Haglund, Paul Bulten, Dale Forrest, Kristi Mullinax, Sandy Scott, Mickey Landers, Leslie Hudson, Benee Masri, and Linda Young.

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UNANSWERED QUESTION OF THE WEEK: If Fred Flintstone knew that  a large order of ribs would tip his car over, why did he order them at the end of every show?

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BEST EVENT OF THE WEEK: Several Grand Lake boat dealers will have new product on display at the Oklahoma City Boat Show at the Oklahoma State Fairgrounds Friday-Sunday. By the way, there are two different January Boat Shows in OKC – both at the Fairgrounds. If you are planning on attending the showJanuary 26-28 instead of the one this weekend, you’re making a bad choice.   

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GRAND LAKE WEEKEND LIVE ENTERTAINMENT: As we kick off the first weekend of the New Year, there’s plenty of entertainment to enjoy. On Monkey Island, Randy Lunsford will entertain throughout the weekend at The Shebang. Across the street at Big Shots, there’s always great Saturday night dance fun. Just down highway 125 at Monkey Island Pub, Friday night is Karaoke night. The Blind Swine also has karaoke fun, and Erin Fitzgibbon performs Saturday night. Further down the highway at the Road Hog Saloon, there’s always great Saturday night live entertainment.

On South Grand Lake, Friday night is Karaoke Night at Michelle’s Grand Lodge Bar & Grill in Ketchum – and there’s always live entertainment on Saturday night.

Area casinos have big entertainment plans, too. Cherokee Casino-Grove will host Risky Business Friday night followed by the George Brothers Saturday evening. At Bordertown Casino’s Lost Creek Saloon, Paul Bogart kicks off the weekend Friday night, followed by Derryl Perry on Saturday. Indigo Sky Casino offers four nights of musical entertainment beginning with Brett & Terri Thursday night in the Echo Bar. Friday night, music is by nighTTrain, followed by The RumorSaturday night. Friday night The Bobby D Band starts the weekend entertainment at Riverbend Casino’s Club 60 West.

The best spots to catch all your favorite sports action, including NFL playoffs, College Basketball, PGA Golf, and NBA play are Doc’s Bar & Grill at Shangri-La Resort Hotel, Monkey Island Pub, the Standing Room Only Bar at The Shebang, Blind Swine, Road Hog Saloon, 1909 in Grove, and Pickles at the Lake in Langley.

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BUM MUST-SEE TV: The Critics’ Choice Awards will be televised live Thursday night at 7:00 on CW. The David Letterman special My Next Guest Needs No Introduction will be available on NETFLIX Friday. The second season debut of Taken airs Friday night at 8:00 on NBC.

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BUM MUST-SEE MOVIES: The Post and Acts of Violence

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QUOTE OF THE WEEK: “Mitt Romney is reported to be considering a run for the Senate in Utah to replace retiring Senator Orrin Hatch. If elected, he promises to bring some much-needed boringness back to the Republican Party. I like to imagine Mitt Romney gearing up for a Senate run, furiously ironing his Dockers while ‘Eye of the Tiger’ blasts out of his Amazon Echo.” — Jimmy Kimmel

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SAVE THE DATE: Sunday, January 21 – Party at Big Shots celebrating Monkey Islander and former Broadway performer Ron Young’s 100^th performance of the National Anthem. (1:00 p.m.) Monday-Sunday, January 29-February 4 – Tulsa Boat, Sport & Travel Show, River Spirit Expo at Tulsa State Fairgrounds. Friday-Sunday, March 2-4 – Welcome Back Weekend!

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It’s a big week in the NFL, as we move into Division Playoff Competition. There are two games Saturday (3:30 on NBC and 7:15 on CBS) and two games Sunday(noon on CBS and 3:30 on Fox).

In the NBA, the OKC Thunder are on the road at Charlotte Saturday afternoon at 4:00 (FSOK) before heading back home to host Sacramento Monday at 7:00(FSOK) and the Lakers Wednesday at 7:00 (ESPN).

There’s some good college roundball action this week, as well. Tulsa is at Houston Thursday night (6:00 on ESPNU) and Wichita State is at East Carolina at 8:00(ESPN2). Saturday at high noon, it’s a TCU/OU rematch with a game in Norman (ESPNU). Missouri takes on Arkansas Saturday at 5:00 (ESPN2) and Wichita State will be in Tulsa to take on the Golden Hurricane t 6:30 (ESPNU). At 8:00 Monday night, Oklahoma State is on the road at Baylor (ESPNU) and Kansas is at West Virginia (ESPN).

The PGA Players stayed in Hawaii this week for the Sony Open. Coverage is on the Golf Channel beginning at 6:00 Thursday, Friday & Saturday, and 5:00Sunday.

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After a downright pleasant midweek break, the weather is turning winter-like again this weekend. Friday, the high temperature will be in the low 30s. Saturday &Sunday warm up a little, but it’ll still be chilly with temperatures climbing to highs of only about 40. Lows all weekend will be down around 20 degrees. Fortunately, there are plenty of indoor party opportunities around the lake. Take time to enjoy several of them with family and friends – but be sure to buy a drink for the guy next to you. It could be me.

GRAND LAKE BUM

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Looking for places to go, things to do, services to use or property to buy in the Grand Lake area?  Here’s a starter kit listing of “open to the public” fun places to spend time at Grand Lake.

1909 in Downtown Grove

American Grill in Grove

Aquabar & Grill at The Landings Marina on Monkey Island (smoking on the deck)

Artichoke Restaurant & Bar in Langley

Balcony Bar at The Shebang (Smoking – open Friday & Saturday nights)

Big Shots on Monkey Island (smoking upstairs—open Friday & Saturday nights)

Blind Swine on Monkey Island

Blue Bluff Café at Blue Bluff Harbor

Bobbers Café in Langley

Buffalo Run Casino in Miami (smoking)

Café Italia on Monkey Island

Café Yum in Grove

Carlos Montez in Langley (smoking in bar)

Ceasar’s Place in Vinita and on Monkey Island

Checkered Past in Grove

Chickanella’s in Grove

Chicken Coop West of Langley

Clanton’s Café in Vinita

Coffee Shelter in Ketchum

Cosby’s Catfish on Highway 28 in Eucha (East of Disney)

Doc’s Bar & Grill at Shangri-La Resort Hotel

Docks Bar at Harbors View Marina

Downstream Casino in Quapaw (smoking)

Drake’s on the Lake at Blue Bluff Harbor

Drake’s Restaurant in Grove

Eddy’s Lakeside Bar at Shangri-La Marina

Frosty & Edna’s (west of the dam in Langley)

Gabby’s Place in downtown Grove

Goodfella’s Pizza (Cleora and Grove)

Grand Lake Casino, north of Grove on Highway 10 (smoking)

Grand Lodge in Ketchum (smoking)

Hatfield’s Saloon in Grove

High Winds Casino east of Miami (smoking)

Indigo Sky Casino west of Seneca, Mo. (smoking)

Juan Montez Restaurant & Cantina at Red Arrow Marina

Karrie's Kaboose in Langley (smoking)

La Casita de Martin in downtown Grove

Lakeside Bar & Grill in Grove at Sail Boat Bridge

Lighthouse Supper Club in Ketchum

Los Garcias in Langley

Lupe's Mexican Restaurant in Grove

Monkey Island Pub (Smoking)

Monkey’s Uncle at Littlefield Corner (Breakfast & lunch)

Mooney’s Sunset Bar & Grill in Disney (smoking, etc.)

Morrows Bar & Grill in Raper Hollow

Mulligan’s at Patricia Island Golf Club in Grove

Nu Taste Restaurant in Grove

Okie Smokies Barbecue in Grove on Hwy 59 South

Pickles at the Lake in Langley

Pit Stop Café in Grove

Quarterdeck Cafe at Tera Miranda Harbor (smoking on the deck)

Raggedy’s in Grove

Rancho Viejo in Grove

Riggs & Company in Langley

River Bend Casino in Wyandotte (smoking)

Road Hog Saloon at the entrance to Monkey Island (smoking...but not at lunch)

Roadhouse 125 on Monkey Island (smoking deck)

Rusty Anchor (next to the cliffs at Dripping Springs)

Scooters in Langley (smoking)

Sharky’s at Hammerhead Marina (smoking)

Smokin’ Spur BBQ & Trading Post at Old Towne Plaza, Cleora

Sticky Fingers Barbecue in Ketchum

Stuffn’s Restaurant in Ketchum (Smoking on patio)

The Grill at Indian Hills Resort & Marina in Bernice

The Landings Marina (smoking on the deck)

The Landings Market and Grill on Monkey Island (smoking on the patio)

The Parrot at Honey Creek Landing in Grove (Smoking on the patio)

The Office on Monkey Island (smoking)

The Stables Casino in Miami (smoking)

The Shebang on Monkey Island (smoking on patio and Balcony Bar)

Ugly’s Grill & Bar, Thunder Bay Marina (smoking)

VIP Pizza at Hammerhead Marina (smoking on deck)

Water Side Bar & Grill in Grove

Waterway Café, Harbors View Marina (smoking on breakwater dining deck)

Wolf Creek Diner in Grove